hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
