Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm like, not good at living.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
