I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
