you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i out mim tonsoeep
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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