dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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