so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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