He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
