I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
