gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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