I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
third nipple confirmed
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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