Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
