he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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