I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
