My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
