I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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