Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
