We won't sleep together?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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