i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
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He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize