i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
