My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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