My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize