He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
