I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
