Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
MIDGETS
????
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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