Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Randomize
