Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
