i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
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He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
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omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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