Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
