Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
