I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
