using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
