I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
