Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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