you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
