why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
No subtext here. People are naked.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
