When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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