is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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