It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
