Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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