I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
