Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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