my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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