The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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