WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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