Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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