I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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