Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
