Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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