my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
