I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
