we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
