The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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