And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
