i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
