I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I wear drunk well.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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