i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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