I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
