Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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