even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize