Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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