So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
