Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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