We named our party play list daddy issues
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
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