really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
