yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
