Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
