My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
