Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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